We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
