Can Purell be used as lube?
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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