I can tuck mytits in my pants
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Randomize
