I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I need a burrito and a hug.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Randomize
