Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
