Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
