So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Ladies don't puke and tell
Randomize
