just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
