At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
