we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
