It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
