this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
