So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
