She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
