The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
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