Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
My hand turned me down
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
We need to get me chipped asap
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
