Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
we're so committed to being not committed
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
