Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
