Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Randomize
