Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Houston, we have a blender
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
My vagina just clenched in fear
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
