Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Randomize
