i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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