I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Randomize
