At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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