YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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