I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
