when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
You ruined the universe
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
