The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
