Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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