i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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