No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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