Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
