Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh�
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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