Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
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