I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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