does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
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