is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Randomize
