hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
