im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
My dad just said "fuck circus"
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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