at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
