Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
