woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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