none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
