I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Randomize
