I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
two words...techno handjob
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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