stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I'm like, not good at living.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Randomize
