Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
