is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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