i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
