no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Randomize
